It’s amazing how much friends can influence my emotions.
I was excited and happy and enjoying my first two weeks in sixth form, with all the spirit of an ambitious young girl on the quest for knowledge and understanding. In the midst of classmates moaning of exhaustion and friends stressing about the workload and subject choices, I was all the way up in seventh heaven and even wished on Friday that it wasn’t the weekend so soon.
But yesterday, they were sharing some sad songs and sad books and somehow, I was drawn into their melancholia in a way that is not able to be explained. I was weighed down by their distressed exchange of emotions and before long, I could not but be subdued and miserable. I began to take on a negative perspective in life and as if my mind was looking for them, I spotted all the difficulties in life and I began to struggle.
Now, I feel burdened and stressed. I worry about the future and my abilities and skills and my organisation. I feel hopeless when faced with a question that I see no way of working out the solution. And down and down, I spiral into a state of despair.
When I’m tired and weary like this, I’ve noticed that I grow quieter and quieter and my mind begins to wander. Then, it seems to me that I always end up observing nature.
It might be the pattern of the overlapping clouds above. It might be that yellow light green tree on the curve of the road amidst the darker green of the other trees. It might be the way the water in the pond catches the light of the sun on its downward path. It might be an acknowledgement that the fringes of leaves are changing colour and autumn is fast approaching.
There is a tranquility that I find in nature that I find soothing. It does not have the busy cacophony of life along other people and they offer no judgement or criticism; I can appreciate their mere presence and feel at ease with nature and let out a long, deep sigh.
I’m hoping that the sky will be relatively clear tonight, so I can get a glimpse of the stars that glimmer in the dark night.