People, relationships and me

It seems obvious when said, but during the holidays, I observed many people and their relationships with each other. And from those observations of people in relationships, I realised just how much people are different in their likes, causes of annoyance and their values.

There are people joined in their love for something; a hobby, say. Some are joined in their merry outlook on life. There were times when I marveled at the fact that one person could stand what I saw as some fault in the partner.

I guess that’s a good thing, or we’ll all be running after a particular type of person. This difference is what brings individuality to the world and that special uniqueness to relationships.

It was not long before I remembered to pull back  from this third person perspective of other people – I am no different in that I am a person interacting with other people too. But what makes me different to other people? What is it about me that might attract one person but push away another?

I don’t know yet. Perhaps I never will fully know. But I think it won’t hurt to attempt beginning an exploration of who I am and what I value the most this year.

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Fear

I spotted the teenage girl, walking
alone in the dark lamp-lit street.
She did not see me coming first,
walking on with her weighty bag.
As I approached, she sensed me in her heart
But when she turned around to look – I was invisible.
She tried walking faster, but I easily caught up,
Gripping her in a tight embrace as she tried to run,
leaving her breathless and panting with a beating heart.

That night was a stormy night
But I found the baby boy lying awake
in its crib, against the clap of lightnings
and the endless roar of rain against glass.
I slipped in through the window as the child looked out
and in the darkness I saw the frown.
As another thunder unfurled in the distance,
The boy began to cry for his mother
who lay in a dreamless sleep in the room next door.

The next day I visited the hospital again
to see the frail old man, lying helpless on the bed.
Crippled, no longer having the control of life he had in the past.
I taunted him scathingly to make his eyes turn
and catch the reflection in the mirror next to his bed;
“Look old man, you don’t have long to live.
Soon you die, leaving people behind
and go wherever people go after death
What’s the point when your disease will take you away?”

In the afternoon I met a business man,
gazing out of the window of the crowded train.
He was a hardworking man but I could but suggest
that one day he’ll get fired and his loved one will depart,
that he’ll break down and turn to gambling,
spiraling further and further into an uncontrollable decline,
Or else, lose all in a single fire
Or the crush of a vehicle and leave nothing behind.

Then there’s the girl sitting on her bed,
deciding whether to go out tonight
So I gave her advice and told her the things she already knew;
The people outside, unsympathetic, cruel, busy
won’t notice her, so unappealing that she is.
But feel free to go make a fool of yourself, drinking alone
in front of your crush, and watch the others have their fun
while you pray for them to invite you to join.

One day. I met a person;
male or female it matters not.
I was welcomed but then shaken off
I was powerless, insubstantial, against
the strong resolve of acceptance and courage.
I, became nothing, Nothing. Nothing.

What I learnt about physical and emotional pain

The owl looked like this fellow from where I was as it flew silently away

I had an amazing time on a camping trip during the past few days; I even got to see an owl (I think it was a barn owl) which got me really excited because I had never seen nor ever expected to see an owl in the wild.  There were some pretty countryside buildings and fascinating plants and though it was not the best one I had been to, I had fun. Continue reading